Surviving the holidays

Well, the holidays are coming to an end, and we’ve survived. Yes, the parents of 5 kids – 2 girls, 3 boys – are still alive after 2 weeks of no school and kindy. And to top it off, we’re alive after a lot of cold, wet weather which has meant the kids have been stuck inside for most of it.

So how did we survive? Well, that’s a good question. Here’s my take on how we survived these holidays:

1. We had lots of kids. This is really important. The more kids you have, the easier your holiday will be. Okay, this isn’t completely true, but it certainly does help keep them entertained, as they’ll play together a lot of the time, and don’t need parents to always find things for them to do.
2. The kids had playdates. Actually, two out of the three playdates was really a result of the Mum’s wanting to catch up. So parents, get to know one another and invite yourselves round for a coffee. I’m pretty sure the fact my wife makes a range of coffees and hot chocolate with her coffee machine is a big help in this. Oh, and don’t forget the baking!
3. Along with the playdates, we had relatives with kids come and visit. Again, the parents got to chat and spend time together while the kids simply played and played and played.
4. Making the most of fine weather was essential these holidays. There was not a lot of it, but we made sure that we got the kids out when we had the chance. Do what you can for free, but make sure you put some money aside to take the kids somewhere different. Maybe the zoo, the pools – we took them to Staglands, a nature reserve where you can get right up to the animals and feed them. We also took them to the park and let them run wild on the playground for a couple of hours (this is challenging with 5 kids of various ages).
5. We let the kids pull out the puzzles and games. Simple, yet effective.
6. We let the kids interact with technology. We let them watch movies – Star Wars was a hit – (and TV). Oh, the TV is a life saver for us in wet weather. They played Wii; on the computer and the iPad.
7. Oh, and I mustn’t forget they got a stack of books from the library. This is normal for them anyway – they usually visit the library once a week, but books really do keep the kids entertained.
8. Possibly the most important thing we did actually was relaxed and did nothing the first few days of the holidays. We were all exhausted after a busy term, and we took the time to recover.
9. A finally, Rebecca and I took time for ourselves. One of us got out every few days while the other stayed home with the kids and had some ‘me’ time. It’s so important for parents to realise that they don’t have to be with their kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year. You can take time for yourself! – We’re also going out together at the end of this week now that we’ve organised a babysitter .

One thing we didn’t do these holidays but usually do is make playdough. This can provide hours and hours of fun. Of course there’s always baking with Mum (or Dad – yes I like baking).

So what did you do to survive these holidays? Or what have you done in the past? It’s always good to hear what other parents do. We can learn from each other and become better parents together.

– Nathaniel

Quality time – for parents

Well it’s been a while since the last post. This is mainly due to the fact our main computer is in for repairs. Hopefully that’ll be back soon.

During this time we’ve had sick kids, they’ve had sick parents, and we’ve been pretty busy. Becca has been busy being a Mum, wife and general super-woman (especially during the week of illnesses). And I’ve been busy working and trying to get my study underway for the year. I’ve personally found it quite difficult to keep up a good work-life balance. For those who don’t know, I’m a teacher and it has been a pretty full-on start to the year. I’m certainly looking forward to slowing down a little in the holidays coming up. I’m also studying two post-grad papers this year, and they have filled up most of the extra time I’ve had.

This is where daddy time is so important. I must admit I sometimes find it difficult to come home from work and make sure I spend time with the kids. Sometimes I simply don’t want to as I’m exhausted. I’d rather sit down for a bit, knowing as soon as the kids are in bed that I’ll need to begin studying. I have had to have make-up time a couple of times where I’ve got home late due to meetings or bus/train delays. The kids are pretty good about this, which is a relief.

The other thing that is so important is my time with Becca. When we’re both really busy it’s so easy to give up the time for us, but it’s really important to make time for each other. I think it’s really important just to even find five minutes to sit together, hold hands perhaps, and talk. It doesn’t necessarily matter what about, but it gives some time to reconnect after a busy day where we may have hardly had anything to do with each other. I’m not very good at this, myself, but I know that I need to make this effort both for our relationship and for the kids. They need to see that Mum and Dad make time for each other too.

One of the most important things for all children to see, I believe, is a loving relationship between their parents. This quality time between husband and wife is vital for keeping marriages together and working. It’s about communication, and it communicates to the children that Mum and Dad love each other, and that’s what a healthy relationship is about.

I want my kids growing up knowing that their parents love each other and would work things through when required so that when they are married they know that love and quality time together is so important and they can give those gifts also to their spouses.

Well, that post was not how I planned, but I hope you may be able to take something from it.

-Nathaniel

Dads – read this…

I just read a blog post from single dad laughing. It’s entitled You just broke your child. Congratulations.

Please read it – from beginning to end. Think about how you as a Dad (or Mum) treat your children. What Dan writes is so true that I felt I had to share it.

Let’s love our children and love on our children!

– Nathaniel

Rewriting my obituary

Despite the title, this is not intended as a morbid post. Rather, this is the culmination of several months of slow realisation that last weeks Christchurch earthquake has brought into sharp focus.

If something had happened to me yesterday, my obituary would read something like this:

Rebecca was a good wife and mother. She tried hard to keep her household in a state of happy chaos, and was mostly successful. She had many good ideas that unfortunately will now never come into fruition.

Know what? That’s not good enough for me. I know I have a problem with procrastination, with laziness, and with letting myself get distracted to the point I don’t follow through on plans. That is not how I want to be remembered. I would rather my obituary went more like this:

Rebecca was an amazing wife and a wonderful mother. She put her family first, but still managed to have a helping hand available for others. Her children remember that their house was always full of laughter and the pantry was full of baking. Rebecca’s many and varied interests saw her become part of a wide group of friends, all of whom will miss her smile (and her chocolate cupcakes).

I know it’s not going to be easy, but the only one who can make the second obituary a reality is me. I am fully capable of everything stated above, all I have to do is step outside my comfort zone and do it. I can bake (and I do make good chocolate cupcakes 😉 ), and my children love having home-baked goodies to eat. I have the time to do it, I just never get around to it, same as some of the housework during the week. This is going to change. I am a little OCD, but channel it into making sure everything is organised. I just need to take one room at a time, sort it out and make a list of what is needed to be able to put everything away properly.  I love to read, to sew, to write poetry and have always wanted to learn sign language so am going to look at local groups and night classes that can extend these interests. Once the children are a little older, I will restart studying to become a librarian.

What would you like your obituary to say, and how are you going to achieve it?

– Rebecca

Daddy time

Photo by Dave Kellam

Last Monday I started ensuring that I spent quality time with all of my children individually. Having 5 kids it seems like a challenge, however a couple of weeks ago I came up with the (possibly obvious) solution. I decided that I would spend the time between getting home from work and dinner each weekday spending time with one of the kids.

Rebecca helped by setting up a roster. This wasn’t just for Daddy time, but also for helping cook dinner with Mummy (also quality time), saying grace before dinner (they LOVE to do this!), feeding the pets (rats and budgies) and checking the mail. Five kids and five daily things to do. It keeps them all happy because they know that they all have something to do, and that they will get their turn at the other things during the week also.

So, back to Daddy time.

• Mr X4 started off the week. Now, I’ve allowed them to choose what they want to do with me. Mr X4 chose to go to The Warehouse to look at toys. How easy is this! So we drove off to The Warehouse and spent some time looking at the toys. He LOVED it!!!
• Tuesday was Mr J5. He chose to colour in with me and then we headed off to the supermarket together to grab a few bits and pieces that we needed. On the way home he started planning what he wants to do with me next week :).
• Miss K9 also decided to go to The Warehouse on Wednesday and so we looked at girls toys, girls clothing and then books – all her favourite things! (This is the only time that I considered feeling sorry for myself… but I got over it pretty quick as I was spending some need quality time with my daughter.)
• On Thursday I pushed Miss C1 on the swing and we played on the tramp.
• On Friday Mr J2 was so keen for me to push him on the swing, so I did this for nearly 10 minutes before we hopped on the tramp with a ball and played and played and played together. I’ll tell you that I was more tired after this than he was!

On Tuesday (22 February 2011) was the day of the 6.3 magnitude Christchurch earthquake. I was heartbroken as I heard of the lives lost in the earthquake – adults, children and babies; and of the parents who were missing their children. This terrible event really hammered home to me the importance of spending quality time with my kids. It doesn’t matter how long it is. The important thing is that it’s done. Kids are important and they love to spend time with their parents. Make the most of the time you have with your kids. Love them with everything you’ve got at all times. I know I’m loving on my family much more right now.

Our love, thoughts and prayers go out to those families who have lost loved ones in the Christchurch earthquake.

– Nathaniel

Perspective

What a day. Posts like this one probably come along quite regularly. This one isn’t really about teaching and learning but that’s okay. It is still a reflection of the day.

I’m currently sitting in my son’s bedroom as he goes to sleep. He’s had trouble getting to sleep recently so this is a bit of a regular occurrence. I love being a dad and spending time with my kids. I try to get home as early as possible so I can spend time with them. Today was no different. The train times have changed slightly so my normal train home now leaves 7 minutes earlier than it did last week. I made it today! I was amazed. But we sat and sat. About 10 minutes after it was supposed to leave an announcement came over that it was cancelled and to catch the next one. Usually this would really frustrate me. But today was different. I guess the events of the day really had me quite sober. Today the 6.3 magnitude earthquake hit Christchurch, and believe me this put everything in perspective.

This is a horrible day for New Zealand. Five months since the first big quake hit Christchurch. It has made me think of life and people. The cancellation of my train was nothing. I had the blessing of going home to my wonderful wife and 5 kids.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of Christchurch in the tragic time. New Zealand is behind you as is a lot of people and countries around the world.

– Nathaniel

(crossposted from teaching at the end of the earth)

Save Our Sleep – an update

We have progress, of sorts.

MrJ2 is getting much better at staying awake all day as we all settle back into the term-time routine. As a result, he is going to bed better in the evenings, and no longer needs someone to sit in with him. Often, MrJ2 is asleep less than 10 minutes after his heads the pillow.

MissC1 is also getting better at going to bed. I now tuck her in, and sit down on the floor near the door with a book or the laptop. She wiggles around a little, but falls asleep on her own fairly easily. This is a huge improvement on needing to lean over the cot with my hand patting a heart-beat rhythm against her thigh or resting gently on her back, and a step forward from sitting directly beside the cot as she falls asleep. The next stage will involve slowly moving my way across the floor and out the door as she falls asleep unaided. This should eventually lead to us being able to put her to bed, tuck her in, and walking straight out.

The biggest key in teaching children to sleep unaided is consistency. Once you’ve decided what your sleep-time will include or exclude, then do that every time. For our older children, this means their nightly routine is identical whether we are home or staying with family. For MissC1, this means similar things happen just before her day-sleep as at night time (although, there are subtle differences – right after lunch, I don’t clean her teeth or change her into her pyjamas 🙂 )

– Rebecca

Sleep stresses – coping – apologies and forgiveness

Continuing with the sleep problems. It’s 9:05pm and I’m sitting with MrJ2 waiting for him to go to sleep. He was already up quite a bit longer than usual, but unfortunately he had two short sleeps during the day. Not much we could do about that, but it certainly gets frustrating. Rebecca happens to be upstairs at the moment sitting with MissC1 trying to get her to sleep. Hopefully Rebecca and I will get to spend some of our evening together.

Actually, that was not what I wanted to blog about, but it’s related to sleep. Not the kids sleep, but mine. Boy, do parents need sleep! I’ve had a couple of later nights than usual recently and I’m really starting to feel it. Combine that with the new 5:30am starts that I’ve been having to get to work, and I get to the stage that I really struggle to cope with the kids. It’s not that they’re being particularly naughty or anything like that (although I have been known to lose the plot with them when they are constantly fighting and I’m really tired). It’s usually just that they are a little noisy.

What I have noticed when I haven’t been tired but Rebecca has is that I can cope with the noise much better than she can. It’s taken a while but I now realise that I’m the same. I don’t cope with the noise when I’m tired, but Rebecca will. You get the idea.

The point is that it’s not really fair on the kids. We, as parents, need to be so careful that we don’t overreact to something that happens normally. We need to make sure we’re disciplining bad behaviour and not just letting off our frustrations because we’re tired. I guess the fact that I’m aware it happens is pretty good. I’m admitting I have this problem. Rebecca and I try to be aware of each other and help each other out when we know they’re tired or just simply not coping.

The other thing we as parents need to do is learn to apologise to our children if we growl them simply because we’re annoyed with what they are doing, or we growl them because we are not coping. Let’s admit when we are wrong, and demonstrate to our children that we make mistakes too, and that it’s okay to say ‘sorry’.

I know I’ve apologised to MissK9 a few times in recent months and she is so gracious and receives that apology, normally with a ‘it’s okay Dad’ or similar response. Children are VERY forgiving. We also need to make sure we forgive – it’s gotta go both ways!

— Nathaniel

Just go to sleep!

Its 8:45pm and I’m writing this post using Nathaniel’s laptop, sitting on the floor in MissC1’s room. She should be fast asleep, but instead is standing up in her cot watching me.

The funny thing about young children and sleep is that generally, sleep gets sleep. By that I mean the more sleep they have, the better (and longer) they sleep each time. When our children have had a good day-sleep, they are more likely to sleep through the night that night.

This has been a rough week for MissC1 and her day-sleeps, because the new term has started. During the holiday break, she was going down between 11 and 12, and sleeping for a couple of hours. Now, we pick up her brother from kindy at 12:30 so she has been woken before she’s had enough rest. As a result, our evenings have been lost to me sitting in with her until she falls asleep (lingering separation anxiety, but that’s another post for some other time). As a result, by dinnertime she is overtired and grizzly, and by bedtime is so beside herself she can’t settle properly. Once she does get to sleep, she naps for a while then wakes feeling partially refreshed. Of course, she’s not had enough rest to cope so collapses in tears if I get her up to play a little, but will sit and play in her cot while I sit on the floor.

In another week or so I will have a new routine working where she has lunch early then goes down for a sleep just after we get back from the kindy pickup. MissC1 can sleep for a couple of hours and will wake with plenty of time for us to leave to pick up the other kids from school. Once she’s getting enough sleep during the day, her nighttime routine generally fixes itself. I’m hopeful that she will go to bed at a reasonable time, and start sleeping through the night again. Then the only problem we’ll have is that I’m so used to getting up to the kids that I wake up automatically around 3am every night! Hopefully it won’t take too long for me to retrain myself too.

–Rebecca

 

PS: 9:25pm, and she’s finally asleep. Maybe this time she’ll stay asleep for longer than 20 minutes 🙂

Wanna go on a date?

Never never never underestimate the importance of regular dates with your spouse. Nathaniel and I have just come home from our first overnight stay without any kids in ages (since we went to a wedding 3 years and 1.5 children ago). It was a great chance for us to hang out as adults, and reconnect as a couple, and I am very grateful to our wonderful friends who babysat our children so that we could do it.

Getting away for a full night is rather unusual.  Under normal circumstances, we rarely manage to get out of the house together. Our solution has been to have “at-home” dates. Once we’ve put the children to bed, we sit down together for an evening hanging out at home. Sometimes its a movie and junk food, other times we’ll cook ourselves a special meal, or play board games or cards. What we do doesn’t really matter, what’s important is that we put aside time specifically to spend with each other. If we think it will help, we unplug the land line and switch off our cellphones.

Scheduling regular time together is important for parents. Once the busyness of the day is over and kids are in bed, we find it important to spend time together without interruption. This means that other nights when we are in the same room but doing our own things, we don’t feel disconnected.

–Rebecca